The Eternal Debate 

Jessica: OMG so can I call you to tell you about the cookout I went to in Malibu yesterday?
Jessica: This story involves beer pong and Mortal Kombat on 64.
C.Sto: Mortal Kombat, huh? Just IM me.
Jessica: Seriously, dude
Jessica: Call me.
C.Sto: Let me guess, spoiled rich kids from Malibu play beer pong with ping-pong paddles?
Jessica: WTF!
Jessica: Dude, C.Sto,
Jessica: I have never been so freaked out in my life.
Jessica: It was the weirdest thing I've ever seen. They have only two cups and you have to play ping-pong and hit the other person”s cup. And it has sips/points. You don”t even have to make it in to make them take a sip or whatever. And the game is totally slow because you have to “lob” the ball. It”s like an old man”s game. In a bad way. (Unlike Gin which is an old man”s game in a good way.)
Jessica: Their CA ping-pong with beer game is the stupidest most boring stupid game ever. And they actually think that game is beer pong and get excited about it!
C.Sto: You really don't get out much.
Jessica: My beer pong partner and I were like, "that is so not beer pong."
C.Sto: So you made them play your way and kicked their asses?
Jessica: Yes.
Jessica: After they talked shit about how boring and easy true beer pong would be... Ta-dow! They got beer pong served.
Jessica: Wait, how do you know of this imposter beer pong?
C.Sto: Mom told me the entire story already.
Jessica: Oh. Well fuck you.
Jessica: Call me, M.Sto probably messed up the story.
C.Sto: Can you tell me the story tomorrow?
C.Sto: I just want to sit and read
C.Sto: Wow, did you ever think you would hear me say that?
C.Sto: ttyl
“C.Sto:” signed off at 6:21:27 PM.
Jessica: Damn you!
“C.Sto:” is still signed off at 6:21:29 PM.
Jessica: Damn you!

Since C.Sto was tied up with a reread of Harry Potter, I struck out on my own and browsed the Internet for “beer pong rules.” Here is what I found: NBPL Rules

Sources also state that VA is one of the most competitive beer pong states. Rock. As we were one of the first colonies/states, we obviously have more say when it comes to official beer ponging.

I still wanted an official source to back me up, so I rattled an e-mail off to the National Beer Pong League:

Dear Beer Pong... Person,

I recently moved from VA to Los Angeles. Yesterday, I was in Malibu and was exposed to that ping-pong game with beer that they call "beer pong." I freaked out -- "There are NO paddles in BEER PONG!" It was like I was on a different planet. Like an episode of 'Star Trek,' or something.

I browsed your site but I must know, which beer pong is the first/right beer pong? Clearly my way is right because it is far more challenging and superior, but I'm seeking an official source so that I may rub it in the face of those Malibu punks. (Who, btw, I totally dominated in TRUE beer pong. I'm awesome.)

Anyway, down with paddles.

So the beer pong person e-mailed me back almost immediately with the subject line: “The Eternal Debate.”

Hey Jessica,

This sort of argument happens a lot when you mix people from different geographic regions, especially during the first couple of weeks of college, as well as the Summer Olympics. We must learn to be tolerant of our brethren who choose to use paddles in their drinking games. Perhaps they have finger-muscle problems that don't allow them to grip a ball properly.

take care,

Apparently, this has been an ongoing debate that dates back to the time when CA first became a state and thus thought they should have the right to fuck up a perfectly good east coast game. I think the ruining of beer pong happened sometime between the gold rush and the movie The Mask of Zorro, but I”d have to check my timeline of historical California events to be sure.

Never before have I bought into the whole westside vs. eastside conflict, (which mostly takes place in rap songs and during gang fights,) however, after witnessing the lack of respect for beer pong this weekend, I am totally flashing my eastside gang sign whenever drinking games are involved.

In conclusion, beer pong does not involve paddles. Anyone who plays that way better reexamine their entire life right now and make a serious change. Seriously, I”m serious.

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