What is Black, White and Sucks All Over? 

Screening Sin City is like”

Falling into a comic nightmare where everyone talks in cheesy voice over, violence is void of emotion and all the girls are hookers. (Apparently being a hooker in Basin City is rad because the hookers police their own part of town, which, of course, is the shitty part of town. Nonetheless, they're in control and that obviously makes them totally rootable.) Here”s the thing, kid, we”re supposed to forgive this movie”s careless use of violence in the name of style and a few kitschy noir jokes sprinkled throughout?

Fuck off. I am not going to faux-like Sin City just to show the boys on the block I can hang with their violent, jerk-off flick.

The movie is actually three stories knit together. Each story examines the motivation behind killing. (Revenge” Because that”s something new.) It”s a touch of Kill Bill, (the film that opened the door for this piece of crap to be made. Thanks a lot, Q.T.), a touch of failure and a heap of torture glossed-up by interesting special effects. The story isn't non-existent, but it certainly isn't strong, either. And for a story driven by the motivation to kill, it needs assistance: The character motivation is completely unbelievable. (And, no, the voice over does not help.) I wasn”t with the characters when I know the writer intended that I should be. I fought the urge to walk out of the theater.

I can admire Sin City's style and rawness. It isn”t afraid to be what it is. Trouble is it”s boring and nightmarish. I”ve seen slasher flicks with less violence. Detached. Unemotional. Unmotivated. This isn”t a noir thriller. It”s a noir horror. The studio has marketed it to us as the former. (Talk about yellow bastards.)

And, let me tell you boys, Jessica Alba has little screen time and she”s only in the cowboy gear for the amount of time you”ve seen the clip on TV. The girls in this flick are beatable furniture. (Aside from quiet Miho, who sword slices some dudes up chop suey style. This definitely makes up for her being a hooker.)

Simply because you can do something (i.e.: stunning special effects) isn”t a reason to do it (i.e.: shit story with no redeeming value.) This flick certainly has no positive empowerment or release for the viewer.

The meat of the movie is images of black and white blood, death and evil that, outside of the context of character motivation and a good story, are disgusting. Comic style, a pinch of humor” But not the same amounts that Q.T. throws in to help you stomach his wince-inducing violence. It tries to let us in on some violence-covering joke, but it”s not funny.

Sin City isn”t getting away with anything.

This movie calls itself clever and stylized to cover its clumsy usage of two of the most controversial story tools of all time: Sex and violence. After stripping sex and violence of all its storytelling and character developing power, Sin City is left with nothing but unmotivated and BORING gore. (If you are going to shock for shock”s sake, then at least use something more interesting than dismemberment.)

Sin City is entirely unnecessary.

Ask anyone who “liked” Sin City why they liked it, and they”ll comment on the visuals or the attention to detail in regard to the graphic novels. Not the story. Not the characters. They”ve been eye-fucked by the EFX and ear-fucked by the buzz into thinking they like the flick.

In conclusion: Sin City sucks, but it did teach me that hookers are awesome if they know martial arts or carry automatic weapons.

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