One day:
Jessica: Sup?
Jessica: It is rare that I see you online during the daylight hours.
ClintoBean: I know.
ClintoBean: I'm Googlewhacking. *
Jessica: I know what Googlebombing is”¦
Jessica: But WTF is Googlewhacking?
ClintoBean: A two word search that turns up exactly one hit.
Jessica: So you are trying to come up with phrases that yield only one hit?
ClintoBean: Not phrases. Any two words.
Jessica: You realize that you could be writing one of your interesting poems.
ClintoBean: Yes.
ClintoBean: But this amuses me because it involves odd and uncommon words.
Jessica: Give me an example.
Jessica: Make it a good one.
ClintoBean: Ok.
ClintoBean: Gruntle Clint.
ClintoBean: Try to find one. It's harder than you think.
Jessica: It is!
Jessica: I tried “risque feet”
Jessica: And that gave me 10 pages.
Jessica: (That was the first thing that popped into my head.)
ClintoBean: Well yes. That's what got me started. I wanted to know just how often the word was used. I figured that googling it would be a good test. So far, I've found 8 googlewhacks that use the word gruntle in some way (gruntle, gruntled, gruntling).
ClintoBean: And I just found "driveshaft discombobulation".
Jessica: OOOoooo "Aegis Deities" only had four responses.
ClintoBean: (Both words, by the way, must appear on
Jessica: Dammit.
Jessica: It helps if you misspell one of them.
ClintoBean: Yes it does.
Jessica: (Which I just noticed I did.)
Jessica: Now you have made me obsessed with googlewacking.
Jessica: Damn you. I can't stop until I win.
ClintoBean: I've gotten two more.
Jessica: Well, I had to stop to go dry my hair.
Jessica: As it was wet.
Jessica: So now I'm back after a brief TO.
ClintoBean: I've gotten "driveshaft discombobulation", "discombobulated grizzle", and "heptathlon tomfoolery".
Jessica: I hate you.
Jessica: And I hate this game.
ClintoBean: Oh, I fucking win. I'll keep this in mind the next time I play rummy or candyland or some other thing with you.
Jessica: Even this didn't work: "prognostic mollusks"
ClintoBean: If you go to the Googlewhack website ( you'll see me on the whack stack at 1, 2, and 3.
Jessica: We have not played rummy.
ClintoBean: Gin.
ClintoBean: I mean.
ClintoBean: Some booze-related name.
Jessica: You got schooled at Gin. And Rat Screw.
Jessica: Haha you are some kind of Googlewack champion.
ClintoBean: Nonreturnable underpants is one.
ClintoBean: But not mine.
Jessica: It's too bad that this doesn't pay money.
Jessica: Like competitive video gaming.
ClintoBean: No shit. Isn't it awesome?
Jessica: Or cards.
Jessica: I'm sure somewhere there is even a candyland competition with a cash prize.
Jessica: BTW: I have beat you a lot of games.
Jessica: So I don't mind losing at this one since you tricked me and are secretly some kind of International Googlewhack Wizard
Jessica: of sorts.
Jessica: And I have never run into a mirror. ...And then, after having run into the mirror, apologized to my reflection thinking it was another person.
ClintoBean: Gregarious whoremaster is a Googlewhack.
Jessica: That's a good one.
Jessica: But no amount of Googlewhacking will make up for that mirror incident.

One week later:
ClintoBean: I have found so many Googlewhacks.
Jessica: Can I have your autograph?
ClintoBean: My friend Henry wrote a computer program to beat me and I am winning 15-1.
ClintoBean: I also have the longest run of consecutive googlewhacks on within the last 2000 entries.
Jessica: Seriously, FED EX me that autograph ASAP so that I can sell it on eBay
Jessica: Sign it "Prof. Bean, the Googlewhack all-star of the galaxy."
Jessica: Or something fancy.
Jessica: Whatever your googlewhack title is.
ClintoBean: My friend is now obsessed with writing a program to beat me.
Jessica: Why doesn't he just try to beat you himself?
Jessica: He sounds like a Googlewimp.
ClintoBean: He's a comp. programmer. It's more interesting for him to write a program.
Jessica: I will pardon him, then.
ClintoBean: Fubby blasting
ClintoBean: is a Googlewhack.
Jessica: Now you”™re just showing off.
ClintoBean: One of my favorite googlwhacks that I've found, by the way, is leprechaun replicon.
Jessica: I like that one as well.
Jessica: I would think that “leprechaun” would be a difficult one.
Jessica: Try to find one with Jessica
ClintoBean: Ok.
Jessica: Then I will give you mad props.
Jessica: As that is the most common name ever.
Jessica: Well, almost.
Jessica: If it rhymes, I will give you bonus props.
ClintoBean: Ok. that one will be hard though.
ClintoBean: Oh, almost had one with your name.
ClintoBean: But the one result is a word list, which is ineligible.
Jessica: Well, you better hurry up. It has already taken you a full thirty seconds. You”™ll lose your title.
ClintoBean: Got one.
ClintoBean: won't let me register it, even though it is technically legitimate.
Jessica: Does it involve the word "awesome"
Jessica: ”¦b/c it should. That word is awesome.
ClintoBean: No. Habenular Jessica gets one result.
Jessica: What is a “habenular.”
Jessica: And, it better not be something lame.
ClintoBean: Pertaining to some part of a plant.
Jessica: I'll allow it.
Jessica: Although you should find a complicated word that means "pretty" and try that instead.
Jessica: Pretty Jessica...
Jessica: That's totally more acceptable.
ClintoBean: I just tried quean jessica and got 200 hits.
Jessica: What's a “quean”?
Jessica: I am too lazy to look words up. (For once.)
ClintoBean: I found it by entering an intentionally misspelled word into
Jessica: So you aren't going to tell me what it means.
ClintoBean: It's a scottish word for a prostitute.
ClintoBean: Got one.
Jessica: Oh fuck you.
Jessica: Prostitute Jessica?
Jessica: I'll kick your ass for that, you mirror-loving prat!
ClintoBean: Ecophene Jessica is the Googlewhack.
Jessica: And what does that mean?
ClintoBean: Ecophene is a medical word referring to all combinations of genes involved in a given behavior or habit. Something like that.
Jessica: Oh. Ho hum.
Jessica: Good job, old man.
Jessica: You really know how to wack the Google.
ClintoBean: Hey, that was a hard one.

Comments (4) | Permanent Link | RSS
© 2003-2024 Jessica Mae Stover • All Rights Reserved • Webmaster: Iain Edminster • Design: Greg Martin