You Have a Destiny 

I don’t even know where to begin.

As far as I can tell, it all started on prom day when I won a basket of beauty products. The beauty supply store called my celly to tell me the news and I was all, “YES!” and immediately went to claim my basket and hell yeah did I ever use those products in preparation for The Big Night and possibilities of Prom Queen.

Advantage, Stover.

Flash forward to two months ago.

I win the most well-suited, Battlenerdrific sweepstakes ever. The prize is coming up, oh yes; it’s coming.

So tonight I swing by the Portal to Another Dimension/Starbucks. “Hey Jess,” says the barista, who is definitely my friend. He does Capoeira.

“What’s up, man?” I greet. “YES! There are vanilla cupcakes!” The pastry situation is working in my favor. As far as I'm concerned, I'm already a winner.

“And hot chocolate, organic right?”

I nod in the affirmative and he rings me up.

“WAIT A MINUTE—Freeze!” I say,

And he does,

Because I’ve noticed something on the wall (see he’s frozen there):

“YESSSS! That’s my name!”

My name is on the wall.

I won customer of the week whatelsecanIsayIamjustthatawesome!

As usual, it was really hard to win. First, I had to write my name on a piece of paper. Then, I had to put the piece of paper in a basket.

Now? Free Starbucks all week, fools.


And yes Starbucks is related to Starbuck which is related to Battlestar Galactica which is related to a mandala that looks kind of like a portal to another dimension so, yes, this has all happened before and will happen again and can I help it if I’m currently in the middle of cosmic forces? No.

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