Cipher 

To the guy-person who called me sometime last week who has not received any return message form me in any form:

Your message is literally two seconds long and I can’t make out any of it because the call dropped.

It sounds like you are saying,

“HeywhattupStovervich—“

Or,

“Hawastaich—“

Or something.

Literally, the message is two seconds long so I cannot even discern whether or not you are someone I know, a friend or a foe… and I have asked my guy and they have all been eliminated. (From the list: They aren’t, like, beheaded. Or somethingx2.)

I believe the call came from an LA number because I saw the 310 but I couldn’t answer at the time. My voicemail doesn’t tell me where the incoming call came from and for some reason the “missed calls” does not have the number.

And that’s what happened.

. . .


There. A year from this point when I run into this person and they’re like, “I called you and you never called me back!” I will link them to this post so that they may understand what transpired. The event is now logged for infinity.

And yes of course I realize that given the amount of trouble I’ve spent on the two-second message it’s probably a telemarketer or the phone company calling to thank me for my new contract with them or something along those lines.

Maybe you are right. Or, quite possibly, it could be someone challenging me to a duel and now my honor is at stake and I don’t even know.

I’m sure you can appreciate my predicament.

You know what would be rad?

If I didn’t own a phone.

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