Black Bess Bonney 

I took a quiz and found out that I am totally a pirate. This quiz is on the Internet and is therefore very accurate. I found only one error in my pirate profile: My pirate name should read CAPTAIN Black Bess Bonney. And don't ask me what a Bonney is, just know that it is badass.

"Like anyone confronted with the harshness of robbery on the high seas, you can be pessimistic at times. You can be a little bit unpredictable, but a pirate's life is far from full of certainties, so that fits in pretty well. Arr!"

Now that I'm certain of my pirateness, I can finally buy a raft from Target, put a wicked threatening pirate flag on it and pillage Malibu. (Or maybe just some lame premiere that I already have to go to.)

Find out if you are awesome enough to join my band, (group? herd? brigade? troop?) of pirates. After all, I can't bring this ship into Malibu all by me onesies, savvy?

Since you've been warned that I have formed an evil group of pirates, I expect you are already running for your life. Remember to leave your money, jewels and Orlando Bloom posters behind. Unless you don't live near an ocean. Then you are safe. And a landlubber.

Related Photo: When pirates attack! (Featuring Andre)

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