Inbox: Seasonal 

When you pay for a service, such as in the case of printing and mailing, can they ever manage not to screw it all to vicious hell?

Seriously.

This marks the fourth time that printing has gone askew with my screenplay. Except this time the work was sent before it was caught.

I murdered the printer guy with my eyes. You should have seen this occur. He was shamed, as was his entire family, including his dog.

Anyway,

Remember how you used to answer people’s questions on the site? –Doug

Yes, I’m doing it right now, fool.

That’s right; it’s time. A time to build up, a time to break down, a time to dance, a time to mourn, a time when you get mad wisdom in exchange for a few words followed by a question mark. I think you are getting the better end of the deal, but what can I say? I am your hero.

Do you and C.Sto ever talk about anything serious? –Ken

C3PSto: When I was reading that story, it reminded me of Salinger.
Jessica: Really?
C3PSto: Yeah
Jessica: That makes me feel awesome.
Jessica: I’m not sure why it reminds you, though.
C3PSto: The tone that’s, like, "I know something you don't know and I'm not going to tell you what is it yet."
Jessica: I read through it yesterday and did that thing where I forgot that I was the author.
Jessica: And I was all, “Shit! what happens to Lordane!?”
Jessica: But then I was like, “oh wait, I know because I made it up.”
C3PSto: You are a strange person.
Jessica: I know.
Jessica: I'm really weird.
Jessica: But I feel like I should be able to do something, you know?
Jessica: Story wise.
Jessica: I am starting to get very frustrated and very bored.
C3PSto: I was telling someone, I think it was Erich, about the time the green box in the Martin's yard exploded and you started freaking out because you thought we were under attack and I was like, "I think it's because Jessica is creative and makes up these worlds in her mind so something small can set her off and she already has created the whole story of what's happening in her mind before we know what's happened."
C3PSto: Or something along those lines.
Jessica: Yeah. That's pretty much it.
C3PSto: I meant it in a good way so don't take it wrong.
Jessica: That might be the longest IM you’ve ever sent to me.
C3PSto: haha that was funny, though
Jessica: Come on man I was ready to save the day.
C3PSto: If I had a candy bar right now I would eat it so fast.
Jessica:
Jessica: wtf?
C3PSto: Yeah I know but I’m just saying.

Can you tell me more about your studies in Ninjutsu? –Jerry O.

Firstly, I’m a green belt, so I’m not actually that good. Secondly, Ninjutsu is on hold since I was forced to choose between Ninjutsu and gymnastics. I chose the latter because I am going to be stunt wire trained and therefore have to develop sweet skills in trampoline and tumbling first. Try not to think on it too much. Just know that it is all part of my master plan.

And know that Ninjutsu is something that I will always want to study. I tide myself over with the understanding that there will come a time when I will be able to truly enter the dojo.

Or maybe I can’t tell you anything because I know illegal moves from the government. You don’t know.

Do you fear retribution from the hobos? –D. Flax

I fear no hobos. One time The Professor and I even stalked crazy-homeless guitar guy around Cambridge, England so that we could watch him curse at the sky. We did not, however, kill his family.

Cambridge, England has the best, most talented bums ever.

Any suggestions on how to make a Republican cool? –Stef

I will defer to the future master and commander of the Army, the Navy and the Marines. Take it, C.Sto, take it away with your sweet mind…

I am an artist and I was wondering if you like to collaborate on projects such as design, painting and photography. I have some ideas but thought I would ask first. –Alyssa G.

Yes. Please. And, it can never hurt to ask properly. I am open to hearing awesome ideas. Talented readers have already gifted me with loads of sweet photo-art, flash videos, a theme song and, of course, this amazing drawing from Jen.

I mean come on that last one is good.

When and what was the last lecture you got? Mine was yesterday from the mailman about parking my car in front of the mailbox. I guess they don’t like that. –Jon

I was at Cristophe and Fando turns me around in his chair and asks, “Has Diane given you the talk?”

Oh crap— Notthetalk! Wait, what kind of "the talk" comes from a stylist...

"No?” I answered-asked.

Yeah, I got the shampoo talk. Apparently I need to upgrade and stop acting like a boy. Something about swimming in the ocean a lot and the sun and actually washing your hair or something else that ruins your sweet natural color and makes it look reddish under studio lights. I’m like, whatever just give me the magical hair syrup and release me so that I may play Nintendo.

Next time you sit down to compose one of your notorious “Inbox” entries think about this instead: Have you ever considered allowing a reader to send you interview questions and then posting them on JSDC? A lot of the commenters here are intelligent. I would enjoy reading something like that and they might ask the questions that we all are wondering about. –Gabe

Too late, Gabe. The deed is done. And are you saying that people don’t want to know about my shampoo talk? Because, actually, that is the number one asked question here on JSDC. Regardless, I will stop after one more question and open to try your way. So, if a regular reader, someone who actually knows JSDC, would like to do that, then I would be up for answering those questions. Whoever sends the first quality interview will get answers.

What do you want? –Kay S.

To run and be chased by the things I create and fight by the sides of the people I made because I believe in them.

I win.

(This was definitely some sort of game.)

Update: Katie paints me pictures that make the muses weep in shame.

Ididonetoo.

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