Truest Life 

Last night I was at an art gallery opening.

For me.

The gallery was a small library with the art stationed on shelves throughout. My showing was a set of Disney colorings that looked like something out of a coloring book. I was surprised they had asked me.

I met an agent there and it turns out his friend who was meeting him was Mel Gibson. So I asked Mel what ICON is currently looking for. He looked rather stressed out about the whole thing but told me to call him.

Then some other stuff happened really fast and I was suddenly talking to Tom Cruise. His hair had gotten a little longer on top, like he might be able to turn it into a fauxhawk if he so wanted. He kept running his hands through it and shaking his head so we sat down for a while and talked and I told him that the opening was for me. He looked at his program and said, "You must be Jessica Stover." (The other person who was showing art was named Bertha and that obviously wasn’t me.)

Then someone people kept recognizing TC and he got annoyed and was like, “I can hear you guys whispering about me.” And I stuck up for my new friend, “Yeah you guys, that’s not cool.”

So people came through and checked out the art and had some coffee.

One of my masterpieces was a Bambi. Nice.

Then Tom and I were sitting on a couch talking and he tried to make out with me. I was like, “TC, um, no. I think you’re too old for me for sure.” But secretly I thought he was too tortured and might be gay. I wanted to tell him that I would still be his friend if he were gay, that it wasn’t anything at all, but I thought he might be offended. He kept making a big deal out of everything.

I asked if he wanted to go on a stroll down Beverly Drive to chat some more but he said no and that he wanted to stay sitting on the couch. I told him that I knew what he was up to and that I just wanted to hang out low-key because I had to go back to school tomorrow.

I wanted to leave early for school, but now that I was staying up all late at my art showing to talk with TC I probably would sleep in. I also wanted to hang out with M.Sto and The Grizz some more before I left. I knew I couldn't stay all night. So, I finally grabbed my stuff and an extra program from my gallery opening and went home. It was awkward and TC didn’t ask for my number even though we had been best friends all night and all loyal to each other.

The next evening I was driving my car up some really steep mountains in VA while on my way to school and I found the coolest streets with cool crowded houses and sweet market spots. A hidden, cottage community. I was driving by this one white picket rambler-style house and I had passed my turn so I went to make a U-ie. It was fall. It was evening. That was when I saw J.Lo talking to Queen Latifah in the driveway of the rambler. I got out of my car and J.Lo was like, “Don’t blow my cover.” And I was all “Don’t worry I live in LA and it’s not like I’m freaking out over you or something, but I do want to say hello.” We both did so and then went on to talk about hairstyles and why the sky was so dark and why the fall is so great.

They were secretly in town filming something. It was really nice up there. I had taken a wrong turn. The flowers were nice, too. Red things on bushes—I think we had those in my neighborhood when I was little. So I hung out for a while. I thought about telling Lo and Queen about TC, but I didn’t want to be a gossip.

Then, I woke up. It was morning.

Having Lo and TC as your dream archetypes is not awesome.

I’m pretty sure that this would qualify as a nightmare in 26 different countries.

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