And So This is Christmas 

‘Tis the season of holiday parties and C.Sto and I never pass on a chance to get everyone together. Therefore, it occurred that we threw:

Jessica & C.Sto’s Totally Awesome Holiday Fellowship Hang Out Party. Thingie.

Yes, my friend, that was the official title of the holiday party we threw on Thursday. Right now you are wondering: “What sort of party combines ‘Totally Awesome’ and ‘Holiday Fellowship’ with ‘Thingie’?” To you I respond, “A party that involves an extreme viewing of The Return of the King extended edition, foolio.”

Since the Professor was visiting from out of town, we appointed him to greet the party guests. This required him to wear a fancy professorial hat. And a smile.

After crossing the threshold, guests were rewarded with a drink and directed toward the great hall. There they had to take a most solemn oath which, upon completion, causes one’s eyes to turn a fiery red. (Loyalty does that.)

The Oath of the Fellowship

I, _____________, swear upon my life and The One Ring that I shall drink to the downfall of Mordor. Should I choose not to drink on this day, I shall forfeit my life to slavery. I understand that said slavery requires sitting in the back of the hall and fetching ale upon request.

I also swear that should I ask a question about the movie, I shall drink in punishment for my idiocy. Furthermore, should I leave the meeting hall for any reason, I shall fetch ale for all thirsty fellows before returning.

In continuation of my vow, I shall also drink anytime a hobbit gives another hobbit a homosexual glance, makes a homosexual remark or acts in a homosexual manner.

As a fellow I shall observe the sanctity of LOTR where as any fellow who mocks the story must finish their drink, bow to the fellowship and beg pardon.

Should my cell phone ring it will be seized and Lord Tiffany shall determine the amount of ale I must consume.

In celebration of my homeland, anytime that I hear a name or place from Middle Earth I shall raise my goblet and drink to the King of Gondor. Anytime the creature Gollum calls Sam “fat” I shall drink and proclaim “Hail Gandalf!”

I, _____________, hereby bind my life to the oath I have spoken. To the fellowship I have come and to fellowship I now belong. Long live the ring bearer!

No smoking.


Note: When throwing a party it is important to Photoshop your friends' faces into a movie poster. This creates an instant atmosphere of awesomeness and shows people that you truly care.

Awesomely, one of my guests brought me 3D shades. (Thanks, Drezaba!) Said festive shades enable one to see strange effects around Christmas lights and to detect when people are lying. Unfortunately they gave me four paper cuts, including a harsh one that caused me to bleed all over C.Sto’s digital camera. This, however, did not prevent me from wearing them all day and night.

On went the movie, enforced was the oath and worn were the blue-and-red-tinted paper glasses. After the Witch King was totally crushed (“I am no man!”) and the movie over, we feasted on pizza and other extravagances. Then it was back to the fellowship hall for an intense game of Cranium. Larry, (A.K.A. Frodo,) Michelle and I dominated. This did not prevent Lord Tiffy from talking loads of trash. (Envious of my charades skills, I expect.)

It was an amusing day despite the people who RSVP-ed and flaked or who showed up late and left early. (The worst part of having a party: The manner-less.)

Later. Jessica and C.Sto sit in front of the television in twin recliners.
Jessica: I am never having another party. Except Monday, but that one doesn’t count because it’s a simple tea. And because it’s already planned.
C.Sto: I concur, doctor. Except for graduation parties, but those don't count because they are family parties.
Jessica: Agreed. Family parties don’t count. So no more parties. Deal?
C.Sto: Deal.
Jessica and C.Sto seal their solemn oath with a ceremonious handshake.

We decided on the above because, at a deeper level, we strove to gather in fellowship and were disheartened when we discovered that the fellowship among our friends has faded.

Faded, but is not yet dead.

So cheers to fellowship. And cheers to one of the times fellowship shines brightest of all: Christmas!

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