Jive Turkey 

M.Sto: Someone has to say grace.
Jessica: Not it! C.Sto!
C.Sto: No.
(all bow their heads)
M.Sto: C.Sto, are you going to do it? (no response) Hello?
C.Sto: No. You do it.
Jessica: C.Sto, do it. I like when you do it.
C.Sto: I donít know how to do it.
Jessica: Just say our little kid prayeró
M.Sto: Iíll do it. (M.Sto says a prayer. NOTE: I canít remember the words because I was focused on not laughing.)
Jessica: C.Stoís prayer is totally better because it rhymes.
C.Sto: We should do that thing where we all say what we are thankful for.
Jessica: That is saccharine and derivative of bad TV shows. We are not doing that.
C.Sto: Iím thankful forÖ
M.Sto: Are we really doing that?
Jessica: No. We are not on some NBC family dramaó
C.Sto: Momís thankful that Iím her daughter. (beat) Iím thankful that Iím getting a puppy for Christmas.
M.Sto: Dadís ignoring that one.
Jessica: Why do you call him Dad? I mean heís not your Dad. Heís our Dad.
C.Sto: Iím thankful that Pollyanna puked on our car.
Jessica: Yeah that was awesome. We can make fun of her forever for that one. (beat) Iím thankful that I get to live in Hollywood were every time I start to work with someone at an agency or studio they quit their job and most of the parts Iíve wanted I didnít get and many of the ones I donít want I do get andó
C.Sto: Wow, sounds like youíre really thankful.
Jessica: OK, Iím thankful that earlier I kicked your ass 5-0 at Gin. And that I dominate all parlor games.
C.Sto: Dammit.
The Gunn: Iím thankful that the new Harry Potter book might be out this summer.
Jessica: Do you think?
The Gunn: Yes, itís been about two years.
Jessica: Oh, goody!
M.Sto: By the way, The Gunn, we donít usually behave this wayó
Jessica: Mom always does thatóshe starts making up rules when people come over, like, ĒWe never do thisĒ or ďGirls, you know you arenít allowed to do thatÖĒ Yeah right! We do whatever we want!Ē
C.Sto: Yeah itís like Neverland.
Jessica: Totally like Neverland. (beat) Stoverland.
C.Sto: Iím thankful that Jessica is an idiot.
Jessica: Iím thankful that C.Sto has a fat head. Oh! You know what we should do? Go TP Heather and Davidís house!
C.Sto: Yeah! Wait, Iíll be too tired.
Jessica: Oh yeah. Turkey.
M.Sto: Youíre not going to TP their houseó
Jessica: Why? Is a great muggle like yourself going to stop us? I donít think so, or weíllÖ TP your house!
M.Sto: And Iíll make you clean it up.
Jessica: Iím thankful that I can TP my own house and then fly back to LA.
(silence, M.Sto's got nothing)
Jessica: Ha! I win.
The Grizz: Whatís a pirateís favorite vegetable?
Jessica: ARsparagus!
The Grizz: No, ARRRRtichoke.

Hope you enjoyed your holiday as much as the JSDC family did and that your house didnít get TP-ed. (If it did, I totally didnít do it. Unless I know you, in which case, yeah, it was probably me. And you probably deserved it.)

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