Inbox: Many Questions 

Howdy, folks. It is time to take another rapid-fire tour through my inbox. Luckily, Iím feeling extra sweet and kind today so Iím sure even the most stupid and patronizing of letters wonít phase the goodness I feel in my heart for all JSDC audience members.

Jessica, what is your favorite thing ever? Ė Bet

There is a whole page dedicated to this question, which, surprisingly, I get quite often. Not only are you stupid, but in addition you are unoriginal. Perhaps you should stop gambling, ďBet,Ē and spend some time surfing my site before you gunk up my Inbox. The rest of the world is anxiously awaiting my responses and Iím sure the global community does not appreciate your taking up my time. Haveaniceday.

I noticed that you play a lot of sports and I play softball too. When you play sports do you have any superstitions? Ė Jennifer

There are a few softball superstitions that I hate. One being that it is bad luck if the bats in the dugout are crossed. This one particularly sucks because then you have to tidy up the dugout in order to rid it of bad omens. I canít think of any specific superstitions that I have, but when Iím on a team I definitely pick up a routine and I get annoyed if anyone fucks with it. For example: My high school team was a state championship softball team. Before home games I would enter the field through the visitors dugout and walk to our dugout across the field taking care not to disturb any of the chalk lines. I had to have a really thorough warm-up, (donít rush me!) and then afterwards, during the few minutes before the game started, I would hold a softball in my hand and stare out past the fence at this special little tree that I was rather fond of. I would use this tree-staring technique to center myself. So basically I am not so much superstitious as I am anal, weird and fond of trees. One day Iím going to dig that little guy up and steal him. (First I'll have President C.Sto pass a law allowing tree theft so that I totally won't go to jail.)

J.Sto, who is your best friend? Ė Marta

Um, hello, that should be obvious by now. Stephen Spielberg. We have tea and then paint each otherís fingernails pink. When he dies I will probably pick C.Sto as my new best friend.

Jessica, What sort of things do you like to get and could I send you something aside from e-mail? -- Katie

Unfortunately I do not yet have a P.O. box for such things. Perhaps if many people want to send me stuff I will invest in one. Things I like to get include but are not limited to: CDs of the senderís favorite mix of songs, handwritten letters, Harry Winston diamonds, stickers, money, newspaper/magazines clippings related to my interests, appropriate drawings and original art, fancy pens, photos of amazing landscapes (especially if they are ripped out of a wall calendar), ribbon, invitations, books, vintage t-shirts, a motorcycle and photos of people looking at my awesome photos.

(No Goo Monsters, please.)

Hi, I visited, and noticed that you're not listed on some search engines! I would like to introduce to you an affordable service where we can help enhance your online presence globally. Do let me know how I may assist you better with! Best Regards, Elisabeth Brown

Dear ďElisabeth,Ē You have misspelled your name. Do you have some sort of ďzĒ lisp when you write? Furthermore, I hate you. You are the first spammer to spam me at my JSDC address and for that you must die. In conclusion, is a flimsy name for a website and I am way too famous across the galaxy to need your assistance. So die a lispy death, fool.

If you were a plant what kind of plant would you be and why? Ė Greg

The kind that kicks your pansy ass. Or maybe that little tree from the softball field.

Well, that was pleasant after all. I am totally nice.

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