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Dispatches
SELECT NOTES FROM A NEWS REPORTER ASSIGNED TO COVER COMIC-CON FOR A DAY DESPITE THAT HE COULD GIVE A F--- ABOUT GENRE FICTION
Awaiting my press pass at the sign-in area. Already have noted numerous clowns in purple suits with distorted face makeup. Did their red smiles melt to frowns in the summer heat? Something to do with Slipknot?
Teens wearing school uniforms with burgundy and gold lion insignia. Uniform tops consist of wool sweaters: too hot for San Diego. Field trip from out of town? English accents indicate yes. The Gandalf shepherding them along offered me a jelly bean. Bizarre. Did not eat as was gray. In my day we went to museums.
On the exhibition floor. Loud. What is a "Sideshow Collectible"? Imagining the bearded lady and conjoined twins from a circus freak show. Almost excited.
Alas, no fire-breathing performers or human giants. Instead, expensive plastic sculptures of elves in glass cases with crowds observing them. They don't even move.
A person just walked by on stilts. For no reason.
Witnessed a Costume Play, or "CosPlay", Ball. Involved a parade and competition of homemade costumes. At least fifty more disturbing clowns. Best costume however went to a young man dressed as Han Solo toting a model of the disc-shaped Starship Firefly.
A man from a magazine was given a microphone to read sentences like this aloud, "Chris Hemsworth plays the huntsman who has been training the young Snow White in the art of war." Worse, a crowd of people applauded.
Apparently they don't allow alcohol here.
Another clown. Shock bands have too much influence over today's youth.
Press tent. A fellow press member asked me if I liked the song, 'Ice and Fire'. Having not yet heard said song, I politely asked the singer's name. The stunned silence that followed recalled the time I asked my niece who Jason JaRuleo is. Probably a pop song. Nothing to do with Robert Frost? Oh I'm so surprised! Read a book. Idiots.
Still in press tent. If I collected little plastic dolls in the image of politicians, I would be declared unfit to report on the Washington beat. You have an action figure of Scarlett Johansson? No problem, here's an interview.
Considering assignment headline, "Entertainment reporters: less mature than tweens? You decide!"
I should be covering the debt ceiling.
Searched the program guide, but no mention of a Slipknot appearance and yet, more melted clowns in purple suits and green, stringy hair. Perhaps the appearance is off-site? Are clowns "plants", i.e. promotional? Inquired about such. Young woman nearby in motley catsuit scowled and jingled at me. Slipknot fans are everywhere, scary.
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