Thundering Hooves 

Friday, on Twitter, I made complaint about a certain stripe of mail I receive and also shared some tips on how to get a response from busy people. Then I did some light mocking. It went like this:

Tweet #1
Wish aspiring artists (who are not kids) would not e-mail me cold without knowing anything about anything they could look up themselves.

Tweet #2
Wasting my time doesn't help. Mail: Be clear, professional & knowledgeable+have argument for why recipient would give you what you want/need.

Tweet #3
Also, Wingmen always come first. Obviously. And, hello, you're online: Spend some time contributing to communities when applicable.


Literally while I was complain-tweeting, the following, random e-mail was delivered to my Inbox. The subject alone made me want to chuck my laptop out of the window and yell a lot at the walls. But I opened the letter, just in case it was actually legitimate. (It wasn’t.)

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Subject: Film proposal
From: "Nick Nombre" thunderinghooves@live.com
Date: Friday 10:37 pm
To: “Jessica Mae Stover”
Priority: Normal


Ms. Stover,

I am trying to keep your recent comments on Twitter in mind as I write this. I will
strive to be clear, professional, knowledgeable, have a logical argument, etc.

I have spent quite a lot of time researching your film project, Artemis Eternal. I
am impressed by the scope of your vision and wish to be a part of it. The lead
part, to be precise. I believe you should cast me instead of Todd Soley. My
reasoning for this is simple: I'm totally better. Also, I can ride a Pegasus
bareback for 12 hours straight in freezing high altitudes with very little effort.
Can your Mr. Soley do this? I think not. It is rare indeed to find someone with my
excellent Pegasusmanship who can also act. And believe me when I say I once brought
the acting giant Sir Ian McKellan to tears with my rendition of Shakespeare (all of
it). Please consider this offer seriously. I cannot promise I will be available
for much longer.

There is, however, one stipulation I must insist upon if I am to lend my talents to
AAE. I must be supplied with a miniature pony at all times. This is absolutely
nonnegotiable. I would prefer a black pony, but will settle for a bay or palomino
if necessary. Said pony must wear a festive bandana around its neck, which MUST
match my outfit for each day. If you can meet this one demand, I will be perfectly
cooperative and give you the performance of a lifetime. Trust me - your film needs
a Pegasus. So many filmmakers ignore the Pegasus factor, yet it is so essential!
And you of all people should know that to make a great Pegasus scene, you need a
great rider. I believe I've already established that rider is me.

Well, I believe I've made my case as well as anyone in the history of mankind
possibly could. I'm looking forward to your acceptance of my offer. Also, I would
appreciate if you would explain to me what exactly "sci-fi" is. I'll be expecting a
reply by the end of the evening.

You're welcome for my time.

Also, this is totally a real email and definitely is NOT Katie messing with you.

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If you don’t know Wingman Katie, here’s her feed.

If you assume this letter is more legitimate than the stripe of letter I was complaining about, you are right.

If you don’t get any of this, you are not a Wingman.

If you have a doodle of Todd riding a Pegasus, you should definitely send that to me.*


*Related: This + Sean-Ra(!)

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