Thundering Hooves 

Friday, on Twitter, I made complaint about a certain stripe of mail I receive and also shared some tips on how to get a response from busy people. Then I did some light mocking. It went like this:

Tweet #1
Wish aspiring artists (who are not kids) would not e-mail me cold without knowing anything about anything they could look up themselves.

Tweet #2
Wasting my time doesn't help. Mail: Be clear, professional & knowledgeable+have argument for why recipient would give you what you want/need.

Tweet #3
Also, Wingmen always come first. Obviously. And, hello, you're online: Spend some time contributing to communities when applicable.

Literally while I was complain-tweeting, the following, random e-mail was delivered to my Inbox. The subject alone made me want to chuck my laptop out of the window and yell a lot at the walls. But I opened the letter, just in case it was actually legitimate. (It wasn’t.)


Subject: Film proposal
From: "Nick Nombre"
Date: Friday 10:37 pm
To: “Jessica Mae Stover”
Priority: Normal

Ms. Stover,

I am trying to keep your recent comments on Twitter in mind as I write this. I will
strive to be clear, professional, knowledgeable, have a logical argument, etc.

I have spent quite a lot of time researching your film project, Artemis Eternal. I
am impressed by the scope of your vision and wish to be a part of it. The lead
part, to be precise. I believe you should cast me instead of Todd Soley. My
reasoning for this is simple: I'm totally better. Also, I can ride a Pegasus
bareback for 12 hours straight in freezing high altitudes with very little effort.
Can your Mr. Soley do this? I think not. It is rare indeed to find someone with my
excellent Pegasusmanship who can also act. And believe me when I say I once brought
the acting giant Sir Ian McKellan to tears with my rendition of Shakespeare (all of
it). Please consider this offer seriously. I cannot promise I will be available
for much longer.

There is, however, one stipulation I must insist upon if I am to lend my talents to
AAE. I must be supplied with a miniature pony at all times. This is absolutely
nonnegotiable. I would prefer a black pony, but will settle for a bay or palomino
if necessary. Said pony must wear a festive bandana around its neck, which MUST
match my outfit for each day. If you can meet this one demand, I will be perfectly
cooperative and give you the performance of a lifetime. Trust me - your film needs
a Pegasus. So many filmmakers ignore the Pegasus factor, yet it is so essential!
And you of all people should know that to make a great Pegasus scene, you need a
great rider. I believe I've already established that rider is me.

Well, I believe I've made my case as well as anyone in the history of mankind
possibly could. I'm looking forward to your acceptance of my offer. Also, I would
appreciate if you would explain to me what exactly "sci-fi" is. I'll be expecting a
reply by the end of the evening.

You're welcome for my time.

Also, this is totally a real email and definitely is NOT Katie messing with you.


If you don’t know Wingman Katie, here’s her feed.

If you assume this letter is more legitimate than the stripe of letter I was complaining about, you are right.

If you don’t get any of this, you are not a Wingman.

If you have a doodle of Todd riding a Pegasus, you should definitely send that to me.*

*Related: This + Sean-Ra(!)

Comments (4) | Permanent Link | RSS
© 2003-2017 Jessica Mae Stover • All Rights Reserved • Webmaster: Iain Edminster • Design: Greg Martin